...If I Only Had a Brain....

As I sit here in bed with my laptop (BIG no-no in this house), I can't help but feel overwhelmed....and a little scared.  This profile book is intimidating.  I know I need to put on my big girl panties and my Mom jeans (okay skip the mom jeans) and just pull it together already, but I'm experiencing writer's block...among other things.

We have so much going on this week, that I think I'm going to spend the next couple days praying and thinking about how to put this thing together.  I wanted it finished by Sunday, but I think my new goal will be NEXT Sunday.  That potentially takes us into December before being approved, but I'm not okay with rushing any of this or driving myself crazy over it.  I want to enjoy as much of this process as I possibly can!

In Other News:
I've read over our Home Study review and found a few factual errors.  I was going to let them slide, but Adam said absolutely not.  I knew he would...which was why I asked him before just signing off on it.  I wanted to just say, "Yep!  This looks GREAT!" and move on, but I knew it would bug me to turn in a report that I knew needed corrections.  So, I called our CSI agent today and will be dropping off the report tomorrow.  She plants to edit tomorrow, sign the packet, get her supervisor's signature, and email the documents to Love Basket by the end of the day with hard copies in the mail by the end of the week!

Random Side Note:
In one of our sample Profile Books was a poem, on the last page, regarding a child's relationship to both his Birth Mother and Adoptive Mother.  I'm not one for Chicken Soup books, cheesy lines and sayings, or cliche....anything (unless it's an 80s party, then I go all out...)  However, this poem helps communicate the roles of each mother in the child's life and offers a great picture of what an open adoption looks like.  I may put it in our Baby Book or in the nursery if it sticks with me.  The details in here aren't an exact fit, but then again...I didn't write it.  It's someone else's story, but it's one that leaves me with a calm.

Legacy of an Adopted Child

author unknown

Once there were two women,

Who never knew each other,

One is in your heart forever,

The other you call Mother.

Two different lives,

shaped to make yours one.

One became your star,

The other became your sun.

The first gave you life,

The second taught you how to live it.

The first gave you a need for love,

And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality,

The other gave you a name.

One gave you the seed of talent,

The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions,

The other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile,

The other dried your tears.

One gave you a family,

It was what God intended for her to do.

The other prayed for a child,

And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me through your tears,

The age old question through the years,

Heredity or environment...

Which are you a product of?

Neither, my darling, neighter,

Just two different kinds of love. 

 

Home Study Meeting Tomorrow!

It's been a week since my last post, and that's not exactly how I would like this to go.  However, I've been avoiding blogging about my feelings because...well, sometimes our feeling can consume us and because there isn't really anything tactile left to do, I'm just thinking about a gazillion things like our relationship with our birth parents, bonding with Baby, options for breastfeeding (or possibly not breastfeeding) Baby, My husband's work hours and how our family life might look, the fact that our contract fell through on our house, so now we're paying for two homes....something we didn't plan on doing until.....um....probably never, what our baby's name might be, Baby's gender, different ideas about parenting a boy as opposed to a girl, and (Adam, don't read this one) what if we have surprise twins?  Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for reading the world's longest sentence.  That's what's been going on in my head.

Out in the real world, I've been building a baby registry, which IS SO MUCH STINKIN' FUN!!!!  I found a site that hosts your registry regardless of where you like to shop.  This means that my quilt I've wanted (for the last five years) from Land of Nod can go on the same registry as our car seat from BabysRus, along with essentials I found at Target and our cloth diapers from a couple different websites!  Woo hoo!  I guess the downside is that it makes shopping in store a little more difficult, but I'm working on a way to help with that.  The registry has been a huge time filler and I'm only doing it because I keep being told that we have to have one, even though we will be so excited to just to have our baby, and introduce him or her, that gifts will surely be over the top.  I have to admit though, the request is one I'm fulfilling with glee. ;)  Who doesn't love making a wish list??

Our final reference letter has arrived at its destination, and tomorrow is our last Home Study meeting.  Our social worker will be at our house at 9am and should be finished at Noon.  We have a lot to cover, so hopefully she's a quick worker tomorrow!  Items on the meeting agenda:
-Adam's family tree and family history
-Our family values
-What it means to each of us to be a Lewis
-What is means to be a family
-What are our ideas of parenting, what is important and how will we handle specific issues
-What are our existing traditions and what new traditions do we hope to start with our own family?
-How will we plan to celebrate holidays
-What are the rules in our house?
-How do we think things will change once a baby arrives?
-And a million other related questions

I feel like the answer to a lot of those questions will depend on our child's temperament and personality.  All children thrive in different ways, express themselves differently, and some need discipline methods that may not be so mainstream.  We will have to deal with issues as they come.  But, I do know this.  Adam and I are a team.  And adding a baby, is adding a team mate...a "Lewis in training." Whatever comes our way (temper tantrums, karate trophies, volleyball state championships, lost soccer games, new family members, and spilled milk...)we will handle as a team.  And when someone needs a "time out".  We'll allow it.  Foul play....will come with penalties, and home runs will be celebrated together.  Our friends and family will be our cheer leaders and we'll make it through all of life with our spirits high and our eye on the ball.  I'm getting a little cheesy with the metaphor, but the point is getting across, no?

After the Home Study meeting, we wait for our social worker to type up her report on us.  She will send it to Love Basket, and then we wait for LB to approve Packet II.  Hopefully this goes as quickly as our approval of Packet I (24 hours)!!!  We shall see...

Once we're approved, we receive guidelines for our profile book along with samples of books from matched families.  I'll share details from that point once we get there.  We're still moving quickly, just don't have as much to do so there's a little less to write about.

Another thing I am thinking about this week is a letter to our Birth Mother.  Every profile books requires this letter, and my adoption counselor is helping me think of what and how to write one.  I have a book to read that's full of advice and samples, a DVD to watch, and then a little online reading to further educate myself.  I'm hoping to have my letter drafted by the time our profile book guidelines come in.  Then, I can get to work on the picture stuff.  That's going to be a lot of fun!  (Grandmas are currently working on gathering past photos and sending this way.  If you have any of your own pictures we've taken together, feel free to send them....you know, for proof we have friends. You can email them to me or take a field trip to the post office if you like!)

I will be back after tomorrow's meeting with an update.  Hopefully, before next Tuesday!

Keep praying!  And thanks for keeping up with the details.  We love our friends and family, and feel the support every day!