I planned on blogging yesterday, but the day was so busy that I went straight to bed after dinner! Of course, I didn't fall asleep until after 10:00, but that's beside the point.
For starters, I was wrong about my meeting with Le Leche League. It wasn't yesterday, it was today. Good thing, because I did not have time for a meeting yesterday! I cleaned the apartment, frantically searched for something appropriate to wear for the occasion (thanks to all who helped! I went with comfy and cozy...but no yoga pants, unfortunately...and was complimented on my outfit at the end of the meeting...that's an added plus).
The Home Study went well. It started off a little...uncomfortable? I'm such a hostess that I felt akward without my kitchen, my own dishes, and the accessibility to do what I like to do so much and cater to people who visit my home! I didn't even feel at home. I missed my big house in Iowa that has so much space and I suddenly felt disconnected. Adam sensed my discomfort and did an amazing job of leading conversation until I was at ease. It's not like me to be uncomfortable in social situations so I was worried about sending off a bad "vibe". I think I ended up okay, though. By the time she left I was talking a million words a minute while she frantically took notes on her baby pink paper that was designated for me. [Adam's paper is baby blue...interesting. And kinda cute:)]
I think Adam and I were both a little nervous about the meeting and where things might go. Sure enough, our entire lives were revealed (once again) and we were asked a million questions about our relationship, past relationships, our families, our histories, etc. We are confident enough in who we are, where we've been, and how it has shaped us, that I can boldly say we owned that interview. I'm not sure if Adam feels that way, but he seemed confident enough with everything. He was a little preoccupied (hang on, I'll get there in a minute). As far as sharing the experience with you....it was everything I've shared about paperwork, just in person, really. She asked us about our jobs and drew a diagram that represented each of us, our work hours, hobbies, ages, and the like. We talked about how work hours might change for both of us when a baby arrives (Wait. You mean our schedule is gonna change? I hadn't thought of that...) After the diagrams, she pulled out the pink paper. We created a family tree (which took for-e-ver for me) and talked about each member of my family. She asked about temperament, characteristics, relationships I had with each one and their relationships with each other. It was exhausting! Actually, my family is so big, that she wants to meet with me by myself in order to finish my family tree. We were supposed to have two meetings, three hours each. Now we're adding two hours. My individual meeting is scheduled for next week and I could complain about the extra time, but I decided today to stop complaining about any of this. I haven't meant to sound as annoyed as I sound, and I'm actually really excited to be going through all of this! I've let negative comments effect me too much. I've been a little annoyed, but overall I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to adopt (finally!) that I need to focus on the positives and enjoy every single second of it. It will be over before I know it!
So, on to Adam's distraction during out meeting....our realtor had emailed earlier yesterday with an offer on our Iowa house from a potential buyer. He excused himself a couple times during the meeting so that he could work his magic with numbers and close the deal on our house. HE DID IT!!!! Just after our agent left, Adam accepted a counter offer and we confirmed with our realtor that we were ready to sign papers. We're professionals at paperwork now, so I'm not even thinking twice about the faxing, emailing, and signing that is about to take place. I'm so excited the house is taken care of! We are moving next week, so the timing worked out perfectly. Of course, my first question to Adam was if we could go for the bigger apartment we liked so much since the house is selling and we haven't moved yet. But, he suggested we stick to the plan since we already had the ball rolling and the paperwork is finished. I agreed the idea made sense and it would be nice to just save money while we wait to be matched with a birth mother. We still expect things to continue to happen quickly, but if they don't...the longer we wait, the more time we have to come up with that $15,000 placement fee! I'm sure we will end up applying for a loan afterall, but the less we borrow, the better.
On that note of timing, it looks like our last Home Study meeting will be near the end of October. Part of me wants to move that up because we're so far ahead of our original timeline. But, the other part of me doesn't want to stress to finish early...and I want to trust God on timing. The end of October gives us plenty of time to settle into our apartment, wrap up things with the house, adjust to changes, and take a small breather after all the paperwork. Once that last meeting is finished, we wait for approval of Packet II from Love Basket which can take a couple more weeks. I'm okay with that report coming around mid-November(ish). I can't believe I'm already looking at the calendar for November. This year is flying by since we moved! Sheesh. I'm going blink one more time and it will be Christmas! Ooooh. That's exciting! :)
I heard back from both grandmas and our birth certificates and marriage license have been received and hand delivered to Love basket! I'm so happy I was able to delegate that task! It seems small, but it was such a big help. Thanks, Mom and Mom L! :)
I attended my LLL meeting this morning and loved it! I had to duck out a little early to make my next appointment, but the atmosphere was wonderful. Each mom was supportive of my "mom status" and a couple of them were excited to hear what updates I will have next month. I was given several resources, from books to people, and can't wait to get started on that stuff! When I updated my blog the other night, I realized that only the home pages functions the way it does-where I can post entries, label them, and what have you. So, I may be linking to a separate blog regarding adoptive breastfeeding and just deleting that page on this blog. We will see. I don't want to get ahead of myself and plan more than I can follow through with! So, if that page is annoying to follow...hang in there.
Today I plan to get our online class figured out, organize my copies of the paperwork we've recently sent in, and prep myself for the weekend. I'm hoping to finish paperwork and be registered for our classes by Sunday. IF that happens, next week will be our last week of paperwork, assignments, and turning in packets. Of course, this goal may be a little ambitious, so I'm okay if things take a little longer. But, sitting in that meeting today with moms holding new babies added fire to my flame. I want to keep going. I want to finish this so I can have my baby! Last night's meeting led to a restless night of longing for my baby whom I haven't even met...who may not even be on earth yet. It wasn't a sad longing, but a desire from the bottom of my heart, to hold my baby. I want to meet him or her. I always saw myself with a rollie pollie chub of a baby because that's how I was. But now, I have no idea what my baby will look like. So the image in my head changes over and over....which in turn refuels the longing. Writing about it now brings it all back. I can't wait! The day is so close, yet so far away.
I will update more tomorrow once I get myself re-organized. We have the final pages of adoption stuff coming up, a trip to Davenport to organize the move, and then the move itself. Thank goodness I had the sense to plan a weekend away with my best friend! Not only that...I had forgotten about a week of vacation coming up at work. Soooo, our weekend away, meeting halfway between here and Denver, turned into me driving all the way there and spending a week just enjoying Colorado. Paperwork will definitely be finished by then, and I should have us pretty settled into the apartment, so the timing for a vacation couldn't have worked out much better than this! I will miss Adam after the first day or so, but I'm so excited to spend a whole week on vacation that I think I can fill my time enough to keep from getting too home sick. And I just want to say, that I LOVE the fact that I get home sick when I'm away without Adam. It took awhile to get to this point and its a wonderful feeling. :)
Little E just woke up. Keep your eyes open! I should be back tomorrow with more information!
Have a great afternoon!
Showing posts with label adoptive breastfeeding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoptive breastfeeding. Show all posts
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Kickin Bums and Takin' Names...wait...what?
As I sit here to address the latest happenings in the Baby Lewis story, my husband is across from me filling out his "Self Study" that has to be complete before he goes to bed tonight (which is about an hour from now...)and he is saying the sweetest things about how much free time he has, how much he loves to fill out paperwork, and how meaningful each of these questions are to him. You know, the questions I posted yesterday. And every answer he gives me aloud sounds thoughtful, deep, and completely sincere.
I will let you decide how much of the above is true. ;)
I did so much today, I feel like some of it happened days ago. This morning I went to the doctor's office to have my blood panel taken care of. I remembered to fast this time! Woo! I had my urinalysis taken care of, too. I had forgotten about that. Man, I love peeing in a tiny cup. Don't you? (I would elaborate here, but I have a lot to cover and I want to go to bed soon).
After the doctor, I headed to (wait, I can't remember...give me a second...oh!) I went to the State Patrol office to have my fingerprints scanned! That was really fun. I filled out a card with all my personal information and turned my hands over to the nice lady in the little room full of computers. She wiped my fingers with wet wipes (Huggies, to be exact...I looked) and told me to try not to help her roll them on the screen (that was more difficult than I thought it was going to be). This was way cooler than having black ink rolled onto my fingertips. She rolled each finger over a little panel on the computer that looked like a clear mouse on a laptop (you know, the little box you roll you thumb around on...yeah, that). She did this with all 10 phalanges of my hands, wiped them again with wet wipes (now I know how all those little kiddos feel when I'm constantly cleaning them...thank goodness she left my face alone!) and sent me on my way. Easy peasy. The printed cards went into an envelope and I headed to the post office.
On my way to the post office, I realized I didn't have time to get there, ship my fingerprints and the two other packages I had with me, and get to work on time so I decided to take Little E with me (he's 14 months old and loves doing anything that requires "going vroom" in my car and leaving the house). Before heading to work, I treated myself to Olive Garden. By myself. And I'm completely okay with that.
The trip to the post office went something like this:
E: "Byeee"
Me: "You wanna go 'bye'? Do you want to go back to the Post Office? You had fun last time."
E: "Yeah. Bye"
Me: Okay, let's go to the Post Office! We have boxes this time! You can help me mail them, and drop them in the bin...it's gonna be fun!"
E: "bye!"
"Bye" we go
Me: "E, I need you to hold my hand so we can walk inside (while balancing two boxes and the fingerprint envelope on one hip so I can bend down and hold his hand with the other...this is what yoga is helping with...)"
E: "No! Walk"
Me: "You can walk, but you need to hold my hand. Please?"
E: "I walk. Ehhhh" (whining as I try to hold his precious little hand)
Me: Okay, you can walk, but we're standing in the middle of the parking lot. Look! A car! Hurry! Hurry! Let's go! Hold my hand!"
E: (not buying the excitement or thrill of danger...) "ehhhhh! Walk!"
Me: Okay, here, take this. Can you hold this box for me? Let's take them inside. You don't have to hold my hand, but I need you to help. (If he's holding a box maybe he can't run away too quickly?)
E: (excited) "Walk!"
Me: "Yes! Walk! Walk! Walk!" (while marching into the Post Office looking awesome)
We weighed our packages, used the automated postal system that looks like an ATM (fun!) and Little E walked each item to the bin, dropped it into the little thingy that looks like the end of a construction vehicle of sorts, then smiled ear to ear as he lifted the handle and said "Byeeee" and gasped in amazement as it disappeared, leaving the construction looking thingy open. And repeat. Of course, on the way out, Little E had to say "Bye! Thanks." to everyone in line behind us. As soon as we hit the parking lot, "Vroom!" so we did....in my 2004, granny gold, Toyota Camry that he thinks is AWESOME. (So do I, but he will change his mind well before I do).
Later, while Little E took his nap, I received a phone call from my doctor regarding my blood work and to let me know that she finished my paper work today. (How sweet!) I sorted through my adoption folder for anything I could work on without a computer and came up dry. So I read my book. Oh, the book...
One day, when I write my first book, if it's about adoption, I will not say a single thing about how an adopted child isn't your actual child. I won't dwell on the fact that you aren't really the parent...for over 300 pages, and I won't offer advice by saying, "Psychologists say...." and not give you the name of someone with their full title. Even if I make it up, at least I'll make it look like I'm citing my "sources". I'm not a huge fan of this book (can you tell?), but I understand why I need to read it. I first opened it with a completely open and excited mindset. However, I quickly learned that taking every word to heart would ruin my child's chance of having a Mom without an adoption complex, so now I'm reading to finish, and only taking bits and pieces from this silly little guide to adoptive parenting. Hopefully the next book is better...and hopefully, when we switch, Adam will remember I'm not the one assigning the homework. He's gonna love this book as much as I do! Maybe more.
I also called on Grandmas today, Baby's...not mine. We need a certified copy of each of our birth certificates along with our marriage license. After learning that doing this myself, via the in-ter-net, would not be a convenient option, I delegated the task to our mothers. Each mom is getting a birth certificate and one mom is also requesting a copy of our marriage license (I won't tell you which one...remember, I'm going for at least a little mystery here). All three documents will be delivered by hand, or via snail mail, by this Friday. Yay for grandmas! ;)
Let's see...what else have we accomplished? Adam is almost finished with his Self Study and we're about to go over, well, I'm not exactly sure what...whatever needs to be "gone over" before our Home Study visit tomorrow. I have the day off since I only work afternoons and, well, the visit is in the afternoon, so Jovi and I are going to clean and prep and work our way to impressing the socks off this lady! Okay, I'm gonna work, Jovi is going to sit in the chair propped up on the pillows and claim the blanket while watching my every move with her tongue hanging out of the side of her mouth. I'll be sure to post pictures.
In addition to the Home Study, I have a La Leche League meeting tomorrow! I will post more of that on the appropriate page, but I'm kind of excited to go. The leader (whose name I have completely forgotten. Sweet.) said I will be the only adoptive mother there, but if I committed to being there, she would do research for me and be sure I felt included and welcome. Yay! That's fun! Hopefully I make new friends and they don't all hate me because I'm expecting a baby and don't look like a walking beach ball. Hey, I don't get that pretty little glow either...I think it's fair.
Next on the list:
-Type our autobiography for Love Basket
-Compose our Photo Essay for Love Basket
-Attend an online class with Adoption Learning Partners
-Find a CPR/First Aid training to attend in order to receive/update certification
After all of that, we get to move on to our Profile Book for birth mothers!!!
After tomorrow's Home Study visit, I should know more of what is required from CSI. It sounds like the packet from them was just to get us to this point...it didn't necessarily lay out everything like our Love Basket Packets. More to come on that as we know things.
***Interruption*** I just read my husband's answers to his Self Study...and he thinks I'm cute (how sweet)! And he says that this adoption process is one of the highlights of our relationship. (I guess he didn't appreciate my bad aim and shoe-throwing as much as I thought...)
I'm losing focus. Brain and body are falling asleep. If I missed anything, I'll cover it tomorrow.
I'll be back.
"Goodnight John Boy!"
"Good Night Mary Ellen."
Good night to our friends and family. ;)
I will let you decide how much of the above is true. ;)
I did so much today, I feel like some of it happened days ago. This morning I went to the doctor's office to have my blood panel taken care of. I remembered to fast this time! Woo! I had my urinalysis taken care of, too. I had forgotten about that. Man, I love peeing in a tiny cup. Don't you? (I would elaborate here, but I have a lot to cover and I want to go to bed soon).
After the doctor, I headed to (wait, I can't remember...give me a second...oh!) I went to the State Patrol office to have my fingerprints scanned! That was really fun. I filled out a card with all my personal information and turned my hands over to the nice lady in the little room full of computers. She wiped my fingers with wet wipes (Huggies, to be exact...I looked) and told me to try not to help her roll them on the screen (that was more difficult than I thought it was going to be). This was way cooler than having black ink rolled onto my fingertips. She rolled each finger over a little panel on the computer that looked like a clear mouse on a laptop (you know, the little box you roll you thumb around on...yeah, that). She did this with all 10 phalanges of my hands, wiped them again with wet wipes (now I know how all those little kiddos feel when I'm constantly cleaning them...thank goodness she left my face alone!) and sent me on my way. Easy peasy. The printed cards went into an envelope and I headed to the post office.
On my way to the post office, I realized I didn't have time to get there, ship my fingerprints and the two other packages I had with me, and get to work on time so I decided to take Little E with me (he's 14 months old and loves doing anything that requires "going vroom" in my car and leaving the house). Before heading to work, I treated myself to Olive Garden. By myself. And I'm completely okay with that.
The trip to the post office went something like this:
E: "Byeee"
Me: "You wanna go 'bye'? Do you want to go back to the Post Office? You had fun last time."
E: "Yeah. Bye"
Me: Okay, let's go to the Post Office! We have boxes this time! You can help me mail them, and drop them in the bin...it's gonna be fun!"
E: "bye!"
"Bye" we go
Me: "E, I need you to hold my hand so we can walk inside (while balancing two boxes and the fingerprint envelope on one hip so I can bend down and hold his hand with the other...this is what yoga is helping with...)"
E: "No! Walk"
Me: "You can walk, but you need to hold my hand. Please?"
E: "I walk. Ehhhh" (whining as I try to hold his precious little hand)
Me: Okay, you can walk, but we're standing in the middle of the parking lot. Look! A car! Hurry! Hurry! Let's go! Hold my hand!"
E: (not buying the excitement or thrill of danger...) "ehhhhh! Walk!"
Me: Okay, here, take this. Can you hold this box for me? Let's take them inside. You don't have to hold my hand, but I need you to help. (If he's holding a box maybe he can't run away too quickly?)
E: (excited) "Walk!"
Me: "Yes! Walk! Walk! Walk!" (while marching into the Post Office looking awesome)
We weighed our packages, used the automated postal system that looks like an ATM (fun!) and Little E walked each item to the bin, dropped it into the little thingy that looks like the end of a construction vehicle of sorts, then smiled ear to ear as he lifted the handle and said "Byeeee" and gasped in amazement as it disappeared, leaving the construction looking thingy open. And repeat. Of course, on the way out, Little E had to say "Bye! Thanks." to everyone in line behind us. As soon as we hit the parking lot, "Vroom!" so we did....in my 2004, granny gold, Toyota Camry that he thinks is AWESOME. (So do I, but he will change his mind well before I do).
Later, while Little E took his nap, I received a phone call from my doctor regarding my blood work and to let me know that she finished my paper work today. (How sweet!) I sorted through my adoption folder for anything I could work on without a computer and came up dry. So I read my book. Oh, the book...
One day, when I write my first book, if it's about adoption, I will not say a single thing about how an adopted child isn't your actual child. I won't dwell on the fact that you aren't really the parent...for over 300 pages, and I won't offer advice by saying, "Psychologists say...." and not give you the name of someone with their full title. Even if I make it up, at least I'll make it look like I'm citing my "sources". I'm not a huge fan of this book (can you tell?), but I understand why I need to read it. I first opened it with a completely open and excited mindset. However, I quickly learned that taking every word to heart would ruin my child's chance of having a Mom without an adoption complex, so now I'm reading to finish, and only taking bits and pieces from this silly little guide to adoptive parenting. Hopefully the next book is better...and hopefully, when we switch, Adam will remember I'm not the one assigning the homework. He's gonna love this book as much as I do! Maybe more.
I also called on Grandmas today, Baby's...not mine. We need a certified copy of each of our birth certificates along with our marriage license. After learning that doing this myself, via the in-ter-net, would not be a convenient option, I delegated the task to our mothers. Each mom is getting a birth certificate and one mom is also requesting a copy of our marriage license (I won't tell you which one...remember, I'm going for at least a little mystery here). All three documents will be delivered by hand, or via snail mail, by this Friday. Yay for grandmas! ;)
Let's see...what else have we accomplished? Adam is almost finished with his Self Study and we're about to go over, well, I'm not exactly sure what...whatever needs to be "gone over" before our Home Study visit tomorrow. I have the day off since I only work afternoons and, well, the visit is in the afternoon, so Jovi and I are going to clean and prep and work our way to impressing the socks off this lady! Okay, I'm gonna work, Jovi is going to sit in the chair propped up on the pillows and claim the blanket while watching my every move with her tongue hanging out of the side of her mouth. I'll be sure to post pictures.
In addition to the Home Study, I have a La Leche League meeting tomorrow! I will post more of that on the appropriate page, but I'm kind of excited to go. The leader (whose name I have completely forgotten. Sweet.) said I will be the only adoptive mother there, but if I committed to being there, she would do research for me and be sure I felt included and welcome. Yay! That's fun! Hopefully I make new friends and they don't all hate me because I'm expecting a baby and don't look like a walking beach ball. Hey, I don't get that pretty little glow either...I think it's fair.
Next on the list:
-Type our autobiography for Love Basket
-Compose our Photo Essay for Love Basket
-Attend an online class with Adoption Learning Partners
-Find a CPR/First Aid training to attend in order to receive/update certification
After all of that, we get to move on to our Profile Book for birth mothers!!!
After tomorrow's Home Study visit, I should know more of what is required from CSI. It sounds like the packet from them was just to get us to this point...it didn't necessarily lay out everything like our Love Basket Packets. More to come on that as we know things.
***Interruption*** I just read my husband's answers to his Self Study...and he thinks I'm cute (how sweet)! And he says that this adoption process is one of the highlights of our relationship. (I guess he didn't appreciate my bad aim and shoe-throwing as much as I thought...)
I'm losing focus. Brain and body are falling asleep. If I missed anything, I'll cover it tomorrow.
I'll be back.
"Goodnight John Boy!"
"Good Night Mary Ellen."
Good night to our friends and family. ;)
Monday, September 10, 2012
Cue the Angel Choir
I can see the bottom of my folder! Packet II is over half way complete. All the forms are filled out. Adam and I have a three-day long to-do list and one more Power Paper weekend in our future and I think we will have it finished. That's my goal: Complete Packet II by Sunday.
Here's what our week looks like so far:
*Adam has his appointment for a physical exam and blood panel today
*Adam is having his fingerprints scanned today and then mailing in the cards
*I have my blood work scheduled for tomorrow morning (I will remember to fast this time!)
*I plan to have my finger prints scanned after tomorrow's appointment
*Wednesday is our first Home Study visit! Can you believe it's here already?? It's so surreal. We are a little nervous, but I figure, "it is what it is" and we are who we are. Hopefully she thinks we're great. ;)
I've spoken with our closest friends over the weekend regarding our references. Boy, do they have their homework cut out for them. I contacted each person to be sure we're still friends after they had time to review their assignment. One reference said her letter to the agency was three pages long after answering all the questions on the form. Our adoption agents are going to know us better than most of our readers by the time we get through all this paperwork! Check out the 52 question "Self Study" we have in our Home Study packet. I finished mine this weekend (thus the angel choir) and Adam is working on his. I'm going to list every single one of them. You know why? Because if I were reading this blog from the other side, I would be interested to know this part. I've added my own commentary at an attempt of entertaining you while you read (and read and read and read). Alright, here goes nothin':
About You
1. Briefly describe your personality, temperament, and the values which are most important to you.
2.What do you like best about yourself? (Brag a little!)
3. What would you like to change about yourself?
4. What have been the most fulfilling accomplishments in your life?
5. What kind of things in life are most important to you?
6. What are your personal short-term and long-term goals?
Your Childhood and Family
1. Briefly describe your childhood-your feelings about parents, siblings, and other early memories about your family.
2. Describe your mother's personality and temperament.
3. Describe your father's personality and temperament.
4. Describe your parents' marriage.
5. How did your parents show affection/anger?
6. Describe your school years-academics, relationships with peers, school activities. What schools did you attend, date(s) of graduation, etc?
7. What things about your childhood would you have changed?
Your Marriage Relationship
1.Briefly share when, how you met, and what first attracted you to one another.
2. Discuss your decision to marry and the wedding.
3. Describe your first year of marriage.
4. What do you like about your marriage?
5. What do you admire about your spouse?
6. What activities/interests do you share together?
7. Describe how your marriage has changed over the years.
8. Describe the highlights of your relationship.
9. Describe the low points in your relationship and how you worked through the situations.
10. How do you handle disagreements and conflicts between you? How are feelings expressed in your relationship? (Can I tell you that I've thrown my shoes at Hubbo's head? Will that make me look bad? Lucky for him my aim isn't so great...)
11. If previously married, please list the name of former spouse, date and reason for dissolution of marriage. (Woo! We get to skip one!!)
12. What is your current relationship or contact with former spouse? (Woo! Skip ahead one more space!)
13. Where there any children born or adopted during this relationship? (Aaaand skip three....woo hoo!)
14. What is your division of labor around the household? Management of finances? (Division of labor? Well...that's what the kid is for...duh.)
15. What are your short-term and long term goals as a couple? (to stay married. Does that count?)
16. Compare and contrast your life as a couple with or without adding a child to your family. (Um....not having children in our life is not an option, does that count as an answer? Because that's what I said....)
Parenting
1. What is appealing to you about parenting?
2. What changes would you expect to occur in your lifestyle after placement of a child in your family? (Everything? Just a hunch...)
3. How do you/would you parent the same/differently than your own parents
4. What role do mothers/fathers play in a child's development?
5. What is/will be the hardest part of parenting? (I won't know until I get there, but I can list about 25 things off the top of my head...?)
6. What is/will be the most rewarding part of parenting? (Please see number 5)
7. What expectations do you have for your child educationally? Spiritually? Socially? Occupationally? (None. Is that okay? Then everything they do will make them look genius....)
8. How do you/would you feel about disciplining children? What disciplinary methods do you/would you use?
9. What separates excellent parents from average parents?
Employment and Community Life
1. List significant previous employment. Why did you choose other employment? (Oh, you mean all the stuff I listed on your last form? You want me to repeat myself. Are you going to ask me this in person too? Like doctors do? Oh, okay. No problem. .:copy; paste:.)
2. How do you feel about your present employer? What kinds of satisfactions/dissatisfaction do you get from your job? [L, my boss, would be happy to know I only have great things to say here! I have the exact job I was looking for. Craziness and all. ;)]
3. What leisure and recreational activities do you enjoy? (Filling out adoption paperwork! Do I get points for that one??)
4. What community activities (groups, church, clubs) do you participate in?
5. Describe your friends and what kind of things you do together. (We talk about adoption paperwork and the crazy hoops I've been jumping through and that maybe I should join the circus...)
Adoption
1. Why do you wish to adopt a child (Hey, there's an important question in here...that's nice to know!)
2. What is your definition of open adoption (Aaahhh! I'm done with this topic. I don't care if we have joint custody at this point, I just want to be finished answering this question! OKay some of that isn't true....)
3. What are the advantages of open adoption?
4. What are your fears of open adoption? (Suddenly the old Chili's commercial jingle pops in my head, "I waaant my babyback babyback babyback....")
5. What are your attitudes toward birth parents who place their children for adoption?
6. How will you and the birth parents negotiate/resolve differences in expectations regarding openness? (Can we flip quarters, pull straws, and play rock/paper/scissors? It works on the playground...)
7. How will you tell your child about his/her adoption?
8. Do your parents and siblings know you plan to adopt a child? If so, what are their reactions and understandings of adoption? (Nah. We figured we live out of state so we can just pretend I'm pregnant and stay away from home for 9 months...then just show up at Christmas with a little tyke that randomly has curly red hair and freckles. Seems like a good idea to me...)
And done. Are you crazy yet? Did you consider your own answers to any of these questions and not go nutso? If your answer is yes, give yourself 10 points! Okay you can have 20 points, I don't care. They don't count anyway...
******* In Other News*******
Friday's experience at the doctor's office made me determined to make today feel like anything but a Monday. It also brought up a not-so-fun-but-oh-so-necessary conversation with my best friend. I have been pushing all things related to infertility out of my life for the last five years. I prefer not to go into detail on here because, well, that's a tiny bit personal, and I'm sharing everything else...I want to be a little bit mysterious. ;)
However, I will say that I've realized I have some things to face that this paperwork has pushed to the surface. The interesting thing is that the things that have come up that bother me most, don't seem to be things my adoptive parent friends had to deal with when doing their own paperwork. So...maybe God made my journey different so I can stop running into the same brick wall? Maybe. He seems to kind of know what He's doing.
I plan to schedule an appointment with the people recommended to me by my doctor. Not only will I get the consultation I need for adoptive breastfeeding (updates to that page coming soon!), but also a little counseling through the adoption process. I'm not ashamed to talk to a counselor or therapist and have learned to appreciate all they can do for me. My life has completely changed because I've been an open book and willing to learn. I've received some really bad advice that definitely wasn't work the $80/hour I was charged...but even that taught me to still listen to myself, even when the voices in my head sound a little trippy. :)
So, there you go. Lots on the list for this week, including a visit to a counselor. But I'm okay with that. Adopting forces you to think about a LOT of feelings. And I'm kind of tired of thinking about my feelings....so I'm gonna have someone pull it out of me, make me cry some more, then make me feel better, and make me more awesome. Oh come on, it's funny.
Okay, I think that's it. I'll keep you posted on our visits to the State Patrol for fingerprints (Like a live CSI audition, without the cameras and celebrities...) and our three hour interview with a case worker. That will be the highlight of the week for sure. Does anyone want to guess how excited Jovi will be to see this lady? How many times might she here, "Jovi! Off!", "Jovi! Sit.", "Jovi! No Lick.", "Oh, Jovi." Maybe we can take guesses and if I can keep track the whole time, I'll pick the person closest to the correct answer. I'm going with 97 million times Jovi will be redirected and/or reminded how to behave politely...you know, by giving people space and not demanding every ounce of their attention. Huh. She kinda sounds like her Mama. So proud. :)
Have a Happy Monday! Pretend it's Friday!!
Here's what our week looks like so far:
*Adam has his appointment for a physical exam and blood panel today
*Adam is having his fingerprints scanned today and then mailing in the cards
*I have my blood work scheduled for tomorrow morning (I will remember to fast this time!)
*I plan to have my finger prints scanned after tomorrow's appointment
*Wednesday is our first Home Study visit! Can you believe it's here already?? It's so surreal. We are a little nervous, but I figure, "it is what it is" and we are who we are. Hopefully she thinks we're great. ;)
I've spoken with our closest friends over the weekend regarding our references. Boy, do they have their homework cut out for them. I contacted each person to be sure we're still friends after they had time to review their assignment. One reference said her letter to the agency was three pages long after answering all the questions on the form. Our adoption agents are going to know us better than most of our readers by the time we get through all this paperwork! Check out the 52 question "Self Study" we have in our Home Study packet. I finished mine this weekend (thus the angel choir) and Adam is working on his. I'm going to list every single one of them. You know why? Because if I were reading this blog from the other side, I would be interested to know this part. I've added my own commentary at an attempt of entertaining you while you read (and read and read and read). Alright, here goes nothin':
About You
1. Briefly describe your personality, temperament, and the values which are most important to you.
2.What do you like best about yourself? (Brag a little!)
3. What would you like to change about yourself?
4. What have been the most fulfilling accomplishments in your life?
5. What kind of things in life are most important to you?
6. What are your personal short-term and long-term goals?
Your Childhood and Family
1. Briefly describe your childhood-your feelings about parents, siblings, and other early memories about your family.
2. Describe your mother's personality and temperament.
3. Describe your father's personality and temperament.
4. Describe your parents' marriage.
5. How did your parents show affection/anger?
6. Describe your school years-academics, relationships with peers, school activities. What schools did you attend, date(s) of graduation, etc?
7. What things about your childhood would you have changed?
Your Marriage Relationship
1.Briefly share when, how you met, and what first attracted you to one another.
2. Discuss your decision to marry and the wedding.
3. Describe your first year of marriage.
4. What do you like about your marriage?
5. What do you admire about your spouse?
6. What activities/interests do you share together?
7. Describe how your marriage has changed over the years.
8. Describe the highlights of your relationship.
9. Describe the low points in your relationship and how you worked through the situations.
10. How do you handle disagreements and conflicts between you? How are feelings expressed in your relationship? (Can I tell you that I've thrown my shoes at Hubbo's head? Will that make me look bad? Lucky for him my aim isn't so great...)
11. If previously married, please list the name of former spouse, date and reason for dissolution of marriage. (Woo! We get to skip one!!)
12. What is your current relationship or contact with former spouse? (Woo! Skip ahead one more space!)
13. Where there any children born or adopted during this relationship? (Aaaand skip three....woo hoo!)
14. What is your division of labor around the household? Management of finances? (Division of labor? Well...that's what the kid is for...duh.)
15. What are your short-term and long term goals as a couple? (to stay married. Does that count?)
16. Compare and contrast your life as a couple with or without adding a child to your family. (Um....not having children in our life is not an option, does that count as an answer? Because that's what I said....)
Parenting
1. What is appealing to you about parenting?
2. What changes would you expect to occur in your lifestyle after placement of a child in your family? (Everything? Just a hunch...)
3. How do you/would you parent the same/differently than your own parents
4. What role do mothers/fathers play in a child's development?
5. What is/will be the hardest part of parenting? (I won't know until I get there, but I can list about 25 things off the top of my head...?)
6. What is/will be the most rewarding part of parenting? (Please see number 5)
7. What expectations do you have for your child educationally? Spiritually? Socially? Occupationally? (None. Is that okay? Then everything they do will make them look genius....)
8. How do you/would you feel about disciplining children? What disciplinary methods do you/would you use?
9. What separates excellent parents from average parents?
Employment and Community Life
1. List significant previous employment. Why did you choose other employment? (Oh, you mean all the stuff I listed on your last form? You want me to repeat myself. Are you going to ask me this in person too? Like doctors do? Oh, okay. No problem. .:copy; paste:.)
2. How do you feel about your present employer? What kinds of satisfactions/dissatisfaction do you get from your job? [L, my boss, would be happy to know I only have great things to say here! I have the exact job I was looking for. Craziness and all. ;)]
3. What leisure and recreational activities do you enjoy? (Filling out adoption paperwork! Do I get points for that one??)
4. What community activities (groups, church, clubs) do you participate in?
5. Describe your friends and what kind of things you do together. (We talk about adoption paperwork and the crazy hoops I've been jumping through and that maybe I should join the circus...)
Adoption
1. Why do you wish to adopt a child (Hey, there's an important question in here...that's nice to know!)
2. What is your definition of open adoption (Aaahhh! I'm done with this topic. I don't care if we have joint custody at this point, I just want to be finished answering this question! OKay some of that isn't true....)
3. What are the advantages of open adoption?
4. What are your fears of open adoption? (Suddenly the old Chili's commercial jingle pops in my head, "I waaant my babyback babyback babyback....")
5. What are your attitudes toward birth parents who place their children for adoption?
6. How will you and the birth parents negotiate/resolve differences in expectations regarding openness? (Can we flip quarters, pull straws, and play rock/paper/scissors? It works on the playground...)
7. How will you tell your child about his/her adoption?
8. Do your parents and siblings know you plan to adopt a child? If so, what are their reactions and understandings of adoption? (Nah. We figured we live out of state so we can just pretend I'm pregnant and stay away from home for 9 months...then just show up at Christmas with a little tyke that randomly has curly red hair and freckles. Seems like a good idea to me...)
And done. Are you crazy yet? Did you consider your own answers to any of these questions and not go nutso? If your answer is yes, give yourself 10 points! Okay you can have 20 points, I don't care. They don't count anyway...
******* In Other News*******
Friday's experience at the doctor's office made me determined to make today feel like anything but a Monday. It also brought up a not-so-fun-but-oh-so-necessary conversation with my best friend. I have been pushing all things related to infertility out of my life for the last five years. I prefer not to go into detail on here because, well, that's a tiny bit personal, and I'm sharing everything else...I want to be a little bit mysterious. ;)
However, I will say that I've realized I have some things to face that this paperwork has pushed to the surface. The interesting thing is that the things that have come up that bother me most, don't seem to be things my adoptive parent friends had to deal with when doing their own paperwork. So...maybe God made my journey different so I can stop running into the same brick wall? Maybe. He seems to kind of know what He's doing.
I plan to schedule an appointment with the people recommended to me by my doctor. Not only will I get the consultation I need for adoptive breastfeeding (updates to that page coming soon!), but also a little counseling through the adoption process. I'm not ashamed to talk to a counselor or therapist and have learned to appreciate all they can do for me. My life has completely changed because I've been an open book and willing to learn. I've received some really bad advice that definitely wasn't work the $80/hour I was charged...but even that taught me to still listen to myself, even when the voices in my head sound a little trippy. :)
So, there you go. Lots on the list for this week, including a visit to a counselor. But I'm okay with that. Adopting forces you to think about a LOT of feelings. And I'm kind of tired of thinking about my feelings....so I'm gonna have someone pull it out of me, make me cry some more, then make me feel better, and make me more awesome. Oh come on, it's funny.
Okay, I think that's it. I'll keep you posted on our visits to the State Patrol for fingerprints (Like a live CSI audition, without the cameras and celebrities...) and our three hour interview with a case worker. That will be the highlight of the week for sure. Does anyone want to guess how excited Jovi will be to see this lady? How many times might she here, "Jovi! Off!", "Jovi! Sit.", "Jovi! No Lick.", "Oh, Jovi." Maybe we can take guesses and if I can keep track the whole time, I'll pick the person closest to the correct answer. I'm going with 97 million times Jovi will be redirected and/or reminded how to behave politely...you know, by giving people space and not demanding every ounce of their attention. Huh. She kinda sounds like her Mama. So proud. :)
Have a Happy Monday! Pretend it's Friday!!
Friday, September 7, 2012
If it Looks Like Monday, and it Smells Like Monday...?
Forget to fast before doctor's appointment and have to reschedule blood work: check
Continue with exam to at least cover everything else in the paperwork: check
Have nurse "verify" a ton of medical information that is NOT yours because she has the wrong chart: check
Strip down completely naked in preparation for exam, and have nurse barge in on you, leaving the door wide open as people walk down the hallway: check
Akward (LONG) moment with nurse saying "sorry, I just need, um, I need these, um, over here, I'm, um,..." and other annoying half words that don't help the situation WHILE THE DOOR IS STILL WIDE OPEN AND YOU'RE STILL COMPLETELY NAKED: check
Meet with doctor and answer a million questions for the millionth time: check
Hear doctor say, "Adoption is important, I will personally fill all of this out for you and be sure everything is taken care of": check (and...sigh with relief)
Forget to ask doctor about adoptive breastfeeding: check
Remind nurse that your correct paperwork said you needed to talk to the doctor about something that was forgotten: check
Have said nurse ask you to loudly repeat yourself in the check-out area, while she calls across the hall to the doctor that her patient needs to speak with her about "adoptive breastfeeding?": check
Doctor enters, saying "Milk bank?! You wanted to talk about Milk bank! Right?" While you sit there dumbfounded and explain to both professionals what adoptive breastfeeding is: check
Have doctor refer you to the infertility clinic upstairs to speak with a counselor and a lactation consultant to set up consultations because she said "I don't know how to do that": check
Head upstairs, totally unprepared for this visit (after years of avoiding the infertility clinic) and break down in tears in the hallway: check
Walk out of building and try again next week: walk out completed, second attempt pending
******************
After the morning at the doctor's office, I left a message with our local agent and told her I would drop our paperwork in the mail today or bring it to her Monday morning, but today just wasn't going to work out for me to meet up with her in person. She hasn't called back and I'm just now realizing I never went to the post office....Looks like I know what to add to Monday's checklist!
Tonight we're shopping for a stroller and a car seat. This is more research shopping than actual shopping, but it should be a lot more fun than the doctor visit this morning.
Thank you, God, for making Fridays. And thank you even more....for making Saturdays. It's my favorite day this week.
Have you hugged your babies today? Now is the perfect time.
Continue with exam to at least cover everything else in the paperwork: check
Have nurse "verify" a ton of medical information that is NOT yours because she has the wrong chart: check
Strip down completely naked in preparation for exam, and have nurse barge in on you, leaving the door wide open as people walk down the hallway: check
Akward (LONG) moment with nurse saying "sorry, I just need, um, I need these, um, over here, I'm, um,..." and other annoying half words that don't help the situation WHILE THE DOOR IS STILL WIDE OPEN AND YOU'RE STILL COMPLETELY NAKED: check
Meet with doctor and answer a million questions for the millionth time: check
Hear doctor say, "Adoption is important, I will personally fill all of this out for you and be sure everything is taken care of": check (and...sigh with relief)
Forget to ask doctor about adoptive breastfeeding: check
Remind nurse that your correct paperwork said you needed to talk to the doctor about something that was forgotten: check
Have said nurse ask you to loudly repeat yourself in the check-out area, while she calls across the hall to the doctor that her patient needs to speak with her about "adoptive breastfeeding?": check
Doctor enters, saying "Milk bank?! You wanted to talk about Milk bank! Right?" While you sit there dumbfounded and explain to both professionals what adoptive breastfeeding is: check
Have doctor refer you to the infertility clinic upstairs to speak with a counselor and a lactation consultant to set up consultations because she said "I don't know how to do that": check
Head upstairs, totally unprepared for this visit (after years of avoiding the infertility clinic) and break down in tears in the hallway: check
Walk out of building and try again next week: walk out completed, second attempt pending
******************
After the morning at the doctor's office, I left a message with our local agent and told her I would drop our paperwork in the mail today or bring it to her Monday morning, but today just wasn't going to work out for me to meet up with her in person. She hasn't called back and I'm just now realizing I never went to the post office....Looks like I know what to add to Monday's checklist!
Tonight we're shopping for a stroller and a car seat. This is more research shopping than actual shopping, but it should be a lot more fun than the doctor visit this morning.
Thank you, God, for making Fridays. And thank you even more....for making Saturdays. It's my favorite day this week.
Have you hugged your babies today? Now is the perfect time.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Complete Packet 1: Check!
Where We Are Now:
After spending the weekend in the Quad Cities with our friends and family, we almost left without our tax information! The car was packed, Adam insisted on the 13th "quick run-through" to make sure we had everything. I walked to the door with my razor, lotion, a book, and over the threshold before I yelled, "TAX RETURNS! OH MY GOSH, WE NEED TAX STUFF! GO! GO! IT'S HALF THE REASON WE CAME BACK THIS WEEKEND!" So, on we went...to the home office to gather all financial papers for the adoption. It took us about 10 minutes to gather everything together and I couldn't believe we almost forgot it all. (BIG sigh)
So, as soon as we returned yesterday, we finished the application, wrote our check for the application fee, attached our photo, and went to UPS to have it all notarized. Today, I took the packet to the post office, made sure it was safe and ready to go, and spent the most important $4.33 of my life, thus far.
A million thoughts have gone through my head since my last post. The biggest is this:
Psalm 139:16
"Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
Jeremiah 1:5
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
God knows my baby! I've known this, but it really hit me this past week. We have no idea who our birth mother is, when our baby was or will be conceived. We know nothing aside from the fact that this is where God has called us to be. He planned this process before either of us were ever in the womb of our own mothers. And He knows our baby just the same. This is amazing to me. I've been praying for our birth mother, and also our birth father...that they come to the choice of adoption together, with peace of mind. But it dawned on me, that God knows our baby, too! We can pray for him or her. Regardless of whether our baby is here, forming in the womb of our birth mother....or still in heaven, waiting to be sent to Earth, God knows him or her and we can pray that Baby arrives safely, among other things. I don't have to wait until my baby is in my arms to play my role as Mother. I can start now, and it's the most amazing feeling in the world.
Next Up:
Packet II, which involves a million things. I will list them when the packet and checklist arrive. In the mean time, I know of two books we need to read as part of our training, so I plan to order those this week so that we can get a head start on the Adoptive Parent training!
One of the amazing concepts I have discovered in this process is Adoptive Breastfeeding. Did you know that adoptive mothers can breast feed their babies?! I'm extremely excited about this possibility. I know breastfeeding is a huge cultural issue in the States right now, and am aware that many people are uncomfortable with the topic. For that reason, I plan to track what I learn, but will create a separate page on here for those interested. Anyone not wanting to know the details can still follow our journey without being offended, grossed out, or any other negative feeling associated with breastfeeding women. And I will keep my political views of the whole thing as mild as possible. The way I see it, breastfeeding today (especially at the toddler level) is the new Bra Burning Women's Movement. I don't plan on burning my bras, but I won't be attacking those who do, either.
Thank you everyone, for your support, congratulations, and prayers. For now, the following is at the top of the list of prayers:
-For our birth mother to be at peace with her decision of adoption
-For our birth mother to be surrounded with support from friends, family, and community regarding her adoption decision
-For our birth father to support our birth mother in her decision
-For our birth father to be known, on board with the adoption, and willing to sign away his rights with our birth mother.
-Peace, for all four of us. Peace for Adam and me while we wait, peace for our birth parents as they make their decisions and go through the process of conception-birth, knowing they won't take their baby home with them.
-For our baby to be healthy, protected during pregnancy, born without major complications to Baby or birth mother.
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude, excitement, and the assurance that God has our adoption planned out. I can't imagine how people take this journey without the peace of God. I would be a basket case if I didn't know someone was in control of all of this!
After spending the weekend in the Quad Cities with our friends and family, we almost left without our tax information! The car was packed, Adam insisted on the 13th "quick run-through" to make sure we had everything. I walked to the door with my razor, lotion, a book, and over the threshold before I yelled, "TAX RETURNS! OH MY GOSH, WE NEED TAX STUFF! GO! GO! IT'S HALF THE REASON WE CAME BACK THIS WEEKEND!" So, on we went...to the home office to gather all financial papers for the adoption. It took us about 10 minutes to gather everything together and I couldn't believe we almost forgot it all. (BIG sigh)
So, as soon as we returned yesterday, we finished the application, wrote our check for the application fee, attached our photo, and went to UPS to have it all notarized. Today, I took the packet to the post office, made sure it was safe and ready to go, and spent the most important $4.33 of my life, thus far.
A million thoughts have gone through my head since my last post. The biggest is this:
Psalm 139:16
"Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
Jeremiah 1:5
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
God knows my baby! I've known this, but it really hit me this past week. We have no idea who our birth mother is, when our baby was or will be conceived. We know nothing aside from the fact that this is where God has called us to be. He planned this process before either of us were ever in the womb of our own mothers. And He knows our baby just the same. This is amazing to me. I've been praying for our birth mother, and also our birth father...that they come to the choice of adoption together, with peace of mind. But it dawned on me, that God knows our baby, too! We can pray for him or her. Regardless of whether our baby is here, forming in the womb of our birth mother....or still in heaven, waiting to be sent to Earth, God knows him or her and we can pray that Baby arrives safely, among other things. I don't have to wait until my baby is in my arms to play my role as Mother. I can start now, and it's the most amazing feeling in the world.
Next Up:
Packet II, which involves a million things. I will list them when the packet and checklist arrive. In the mean time, I know of two books we need to read as part of our training, so I plan to order those this week so that we can get a head start on the Adoptive Parent training!
One of the amazing concepts I have discovered in this process is Adoptive Breastfeeding. Did you know that adoptive mothers can breast feed their babies?! I'm extremely excited about this possibility. I know breastfeeding is a huge cultural issue in the States right now, and am aware that many people are uncomfortable with the topic. For that reason, I plan to track what I learn, but will create a separate page on here for those interested. Anyone not wanting to know the details can still follow our journey without being offended, grossed out, or any other negative feeling associated with breastfeeding women. And I will keep my political views of the whole thing as mild as possible. The way I see it, breastfeeding today (especially at the toddler level) is the new Bra Burning Women's Movement. I don't plan on burning my bras, but I won't be attacking those who do, either.
Thank you everyone, for your support, congratulations, and prayers. For now, the following is at the top of the list of prayers:
-For our birth mother to be at peace with her decision of adoption
-For our birth mother to be surrounded with support from friends, family, and community regarding her adoption decision
-For our birth father to support our birth mother in her decision
-For our birth father to be known, on board with the adoption, and willing to sign away his rights with our birth mother.
-Peace, for all four of us. Peace for Adam and me while we wait, peace for our birth parents as they make their decisions and go through the process of conception-birth, knowing they won't take their baby home with them.
-For our baby to be healthy, protected during pregnancy, born without major complications to Baby or birth mother.
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude, excitement, and the assurance that God has our adoption planned out. I can't imagine how people take this journey without the peace of God. I would be a basket case if I didn't know someone was in control of all of this!
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