"We write to taste life twice..." -Anaïs Nin
I've avoided blogging because this wait isn't my favorite thing in the world. The above quote rings true as I ignore my desire to record every step of our journey, because I don't want to live this part twice-not right now. Some days I'm just waiting for bedtime because it brings me one day closer to my dream of our little angel finally home with us.
I'm waiting on an email from Love Basket. We should be receiving information on a birth mother who will be ready to look at profiles this month. It's been hard not to be the stalker lady who calls every other day to ask about said email. The one time I broke, was upon request because Adam is anxious about it, too. Of course, when I say Adam is anxious it means he may have slightly mentioned, in passing, that he's wondering when that email will come. If Adam is "wondering" about anything, thats kind of a big deal. (Love you, Honey!!). The advice I'm receiving from my adoption counselor is to go on with my day to day as if I'm not waiting for that email. Enjoy life. Don't put things on hold because I "might get a baby tomorrow/this month/by the end of Summer." It's great advice, and its helpful-really helpful. But do you know how hard it is to just pretend like my baby isn't an arm's length away! It's hard.
In a few weeks I will be transitioning into my new lifestyle as a stay-at-home-wife. I go back and forth between feeling lazy and feeling ridiculously blessed. But mostly, I feel proud of my husband. I'm proud of him for being wise, for making mature financial decisions (that may or may not drive me crazy most of the time), and for having the desire of a lifestyle that includes supporting his family financially so that his wife and children can be home together-full time. I'm excited to be in a place of content with apartment living because that's a choice we need to make to reach our goal. We don't need a house big enough for the Brady Bunch and we don't need brand new cars with ginormous price tags. It can be difficult to be content in our society, but I am. And that's a relief. Some days I feel insecure about raising my baby in an apartment. But other days, I tell myself to stop being a snot and be grateful that I can raise my baby without having to work and without worrying about putting food on the table.
I don't really have an update to blog about, but all of this is in my heart and I don't want to skip this part of our journey. When I'm looking back on this process later on, these are the details that will have slipped away. They'll be replaced with memories of building our family and teaching our children about life and love and everything that surrounds the two.
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
I'm thankful that my dream is coming true. While the wait is difficult, the peace is calming...and encouraging. I pray for a healthy family, for a trouble free match and adopting process. I pray for safety over our Birth Parents, and for wisdom in our decision making. I am blessed to walk this road with Adam Lewis, and with our Jesus.
Thanks for reading. I hope my own story
is inspiring someone else's. Thank you for traveling with us, for praying with us, and for all of your support. If you're reading this, you're a part of the bubble of peace and comfort God has allowed to develop around us. Thank you, with all my heart!
"God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day." Genesis 1:31