I Pray You'll Be Our Eyes...

I have nothing to do.

Okay, that's not entirely true.

I can look into adoptive breastfeeding.
I can keep shopping online for fun baby stuff to add to our registry that I'm working on. 
I can learn more about cloth diapers (holy OVERWHeLMiNG!  This is about the only thing I don't know about taking care of babies and I can't imagine how new moms feel if they've never even touched a baby before!)
I can learn more about adoptive parenting, and parenting in general (PLENTY of literature to read, courtesy of Love Basket)

Or...I can just enjoy the fact that my "To-Do" list is actually empty.  I have one person to follow up with in a couple days and then all we do is wait for approval.

WOOO!!!!

So, I wanted to post since I slacked for so long and thought I would share this:

I was thinking about our training DVDs and all the new information to, you know...think about, and trying to learn all I can from what I was taught.

One of the parenting tips made in our training session was in regards to telling your child about their adoption.  I can write a few small books on everything I've learned, but something new sticks out to me.  One of the speakers made the point to her daughter in about these words, "Daddy and I aren't related, but we are married.  And we are a family because of a promise we made to each other.  And we made that same promise when we adopted you.  You are part of our family now, because we love you.  We will always be family."

If feeling like "the real mom" didn't hit home before, is sure does now.  Every doubt in my mind is gone.  I chose to marry my husband.  And through hell and high water (and the good times, too), I've chosen to STAY married to my husband.  If society can see our union as legally binding and the "best step" toward starting a family....than why can't we use the same promise to build our family?  I don't want to be defensive, because I know a lot of people just don't understand adoption.  I want to convey my realization (my epiphany...if you will...[that one's for you, honey]). 

I promise, from this day forward, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, in wealth and in want, this child whom God is placing in my life.  His child.  I vow to love him or her with all that I am.  To put his or her needs before my own, and to honor and respect him or her until death do us part.  We are one.  By the power of God and the power of the law, our baby will be ours, and we will be his or hers.  Ladies and Gentlemen, the Lewis Family is on a mission.  Of life.  Of hope.  And of unconditional love.

I can't wait to hold my baby in my arms, whisper these words in his or her tiny little ears and tiny little heart.  My husband was more than right (yes, I said that) the other day..."all of our dreams are about to come true..."  I don't ever want to wake up!

Thank you for your continued support.  I know I end almost every post with these words, but they are just as sincere today as they were the day before.  We have a tremendous group of God-given family and "chosen family" who have been standing behind us since the very beginning.  Words can't express our gratitude for the letters, emails, gifts, and other love we have received.  Your prayers mean the world to us!  Please continue to pray for our Birth Parents to be united in their decision to make an adoption plan for their baby.  And for God to prepare our hearts, all of us, to be open and to communicate lovingly and sincerely.  This is number one on our list right now.  If we can have this, everything else will fall into place.  Thank you, thank you, again and again.

Guess What I Just Did?

Warning: Intense Excitement up Ahead

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have JUST dropped our final papers in the mail for Packet II!!!!  

Here's what's left on my To-Do list:
-Touch base with CSI (tomorrow) on our status with the Home Study paperwork
-Meet with CSI for final Home Study visit (next Wednesday!!!!)
-Turn in "forgotten" documents to CSI during last home visit
-Follow up with Love Basket to confirm receipt of Home Study Report
-Wait for approval from LB
-Wait for Profile information to arrive in the mail (upon approval)
-Begin our Profile for birth mothers to review and be an official "Awaiting Family"

Um.  That's all, folks.

PRAISE JESUS!!! We're almost finished!

Keep praying, please!  Everything is going smoothly.  We're getting closer and closer to meeting our Birth Parents and then....our BaaaabbbyyyyYYY!!! :D

0 to 60 in 5.2

You know what I forgot about roller coasters?  They're fast.  The ride is crazy, makes you scream, turns you stomach in knots, you fear you'll lose your shoes....and then it's over.  Just like that.

Things are happening so quickly, I haven't had a chance to stop and write it all out.  Let me see if I can remember the last five days:

GetStuffDoneDay: We spent all of Saturday on adoption paper work, cleaning, laundry, catching up on all things in life that have been neglected over the last several weeks.  We also mapped out a handful of apartments to view on Sunday.

Our New Home: Sunday, we went straight from church to our first apartment (at 10:15) and saw our last place at 4:00pm.  (Note to self: don't wear jeans OR heels when going home hunting in 90* weather.  Blisters don't look good on you.)  We were determined to find a place before the weekend was over so that we can get things moving.  Due to our house in Iowa and our adoption fees, we decided to rent small.  We found a nice one bedroom apartment with private access (no shared hallways), a pool (woo!), and an attached garage (jackpot!) that opens into the foyer.  It's small, but it's gorgeous and I can't wait to move in and make it home!  Our plan is to upgrade to a larger apartment as soon as our house sells, or when Baby arrives...whichever comes first.  We will go with a two or three bedroom by then so that we have plenty of space for Baby and all visiting grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends. :)  Getting everything coordinated will be a lot of work over the next two weeks, but I'm excited to finally be settled here in Omaha!

Packet II: We finished a lot of Packet II paperwork and mailed out everything I've already mentioned in past blogs.  I've made appointments for physicals and blood panels.  Mine is Friday, Adam's is Tuesday.  We need to decide on the amount of contact we want to have with a birth mother and fill out that form.  We also need to send in a "photo essay".  The essay is the day in pictures project I mentioned in our last post.  This is so the agency can get to know us and is for the office staff only.  It has nothing to do with the birth mothers who see our profile pictures.  We also need to finish reading our books, each write an auto biography for the agency (also to help them "get to know us"), find a local Adoption Support Group meeting to attend, take a CPR/First Aid class (each one of us), and request a letter from our insurance company that shows proof of dependent coverage along with a start date for Baby's insurance coverage.  This involves calling the agency and requesting a specifically worded letter...not just a photo copy of our policy from the handbook.  Oh fun.  I can't wait.  Oh!  And our agent would like all of this paperwork returned by Friday.  Um.....sure.  Let me just hit "mute" on the rest of life and we're good to go! (I would hit "pause", but that just means I have to catch up on it later).

Home Study Packet: I spent three hours on this crazy packet and it's still not done!  I'm pretty sure the last page I filled out may sound a little more, um, harsh...than I intended but I'm kind of getting tired of all this silly homework.  Included in the packet is a 5 page "Grief and Loss" questionnaire that stands as stiff competition to an intense infertility therapy session.  Only....we have to write out our answers in a tiny space and describe in detail every step we have taken to attempt conception on our own.  Awesome.  Maybe I can attach a schedule of every day we've "attempted to conceive'' and give start times, positions, and end times.  Okay, that's crude.  I'm sorry if I've offended anyone.  All of this work is totally worth what we will get in the end!  But, (yes...always a but) I wish this much work was required for someone to have an abortion.  I bet we'd see a drastic change in numbers.  No screening necessary to kill a baby...but 15 hours a week of paperwork in order to adopt one that was lucky enough to be saved.  (and let the ugly comments come in...at this point, I'm okay with that).
For the rest of our Home Study Packet, we need to have our finger prints scanned, and send them into the state patrol office.  We filled out a lot of the same paperwork that was in Packet II from Love Basket, and we need to send in our monthly budget, a list of all debts and assets(same info from Packet II, different form), and also a "self evaluation" that consists of about six pages of questions ranging from, "What are you life's biggest accomplishments?" (I've made it this far with adoption paperwork!  How's that?!) to "Describe how your marriage has changed over the years" (um..."She loves me.  She loves me not.  She loves me.  She loves me not...She loves me!  Let's adopt a baby!" Does that work?) Once all of this paperwork is done, we mail it all back and then start working on our profile book for Birth Mothers.  I will talk more about that when we get there!
Here's a kicker on the Home Study: I called yesterday to verify a few things with our local agent and found out that we do not have to wait for blood panels, fingerprints, background checks and the like, to be returned to the agency.  We can do our Home Study visits now and have our approval "pending" while we wait on the state and the lab techs to return everything.  Once we are approved of our Home Study, all information gets forwarded to Love Basket for approval of Packet II.  Here's what that means: I thought we would start our Home Study visits in about five weeks, after the appropriate reports arrived on our agent's desk.  Nope.  She wants to start next week!  Holy Moses!  Packet I was almost two weeks faster than I expected, and now the Home Study is being moved up an entire month!  I may be posting Baby's photos by Christmas if we keep going like this!
Okay, okay, I know once all the papers are done we may have to wait awhile before God sends us our baby and our birth parents...but my gut (Mommy Brain?) is telling me to be ready by Christmas, maybe sooner.  Um...okay!!!  I can do that!  We'll see how right I am....

(Big breathe...) I think I've covered everything.  If I missed something or you have questions, leave a comment!  I'll respond to anything, unless you're mean about my abortion comment.  I ignore mean people. :)

We love all of the support we continue to receive.  Our family and friends are wonderful!  We can't wait to introduce our Baby to everyone who is so excited to meet him or her! (Wanna start a pool on baby's gender and or birth month?  It's total luck....how about a quarter a bet?  Just in time for fantasy football season....boys, get on that!  You make it, I'll play it).  Winner can donate to Baby's college fund ;).

And...I'm out.  More to come.  Sorry I took so long!  The Home Study Packet will be dropped off at the local office by Friday, so I'm sure to have an update by then!

Thanks for reading!  Happy Hump Day. :)

525,600....dollars

Okay, not quite that much.

I'm tracking our actual expenses on a different page, but here are the projected fees provided in Packet II:

#	Item	Fee	Due Date
1	Application Packet I	$95.00	With application
2	Application Packet II	$595.00	With application
3	Home Study	$1600.00	With HS application
4	Activation Fee	$4,000.00	When our profile books are submitted to Love Basket
5	Non-Love Basket Home Study Review Fee	$425.00	Upon agency request
6	Agency Placement Fee	$15,500	Two business days before placement of child (basically, as soon as Baby is born)
7	Interim Child Care (if necessary)	$35-$45 per day	Same as #6
8	Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (for children born in one state, but residing in another	$600	Same as #6
9	Legal Expenses	$2500-$4500 (estimated)	Same as #6
10	Home Study  Update	$295	Due at one year anniversary of packet II approval, if still waiting

I've omitted fees that do not apply to us and have also changed a few numbers based on prices from the local agency.  I will explain each item as we approach them.  Some don't really need explanation.  

One thing I learned today, after confirming these fees with our agent, is that the $4,000 activation fee is applied to the $15,500 placement fee.  So, we can take $4,000 off of our $30,000 estimation right off the bat.  I also learned that some of the fees on the paper I have do not apply to us because Love Basket is not doing our Home Study.  We calculated fees we know of from CSI, but I'm pretty sure there's one missing up there...again, more to come as we get that far. 

Lastly, we were adding up the higher end of each estimated cost (interim child care, legal fees) and I learned the lower numbers are closer to average.

We haven't talked much more about how to pay for things, but we're committed to this adoption, with this agency, at this time.  We're going all the way, together, and we're going to figure it out.

I didn't fill out any new papers today.  Despite my all inspiring faith from this morning, I spent my free time on the phone with local adoption agencies to do a cost-comparison.  In the end, we're adding about $1400 to our expenses by not living in a state that houses a Love Basket office.  But, this doesn't seem to be out of the ordinary for them.  I could be wrong.

Two posts in one day.  Watch for more tomorrow!

When it rains...

....dance.

Our Home Study packet arrived Friday this past week and I haven't even read through it, yet.  The details surrounding Packet II from Love Basket led to two days of completely avoiding all things paper.  We've been slowly working on very basic information, like, our job history for the last 10 years (I am one experienced lady!), our addresses for the last 5 years (also a well-traveled lady!) and a list of our debts and assets (I am not a wealthy lady....also not a poor lady.  But a "just right" kinda lady).

Last night, I sat down to start filling things out.  After requesting a new (emailed) copy of the first three pages of our application (white out just wasn't enough), the process was going rather smoothly.  I marked missing information with post-its, marked lines where Adam needed to sign, and so on.  All was going well, I was following the instructions for the packet (thank you for those!!!) and it came time to read through our contract with Love Basket.  Makes sense.  Share your contact info, promise not to sue anyone, yada yada yada....no problem....until page 6.  Wanna know what's on page 6?  It's a list of agency fees and when each is due.  Wanna know how much those fees are?  Are you sure?.......right around 30,000 Mr. Washingtons.  Hmm.  Alright then.

My train of thought went something like this:
"oh. um. that's more than I thought"
"Well, I just won't mention the $15,000 placement fee that's due within 48 hours of the adoption...I won't say anything until it gets closer."
"Um. that's a lot of money to announce late in the game."
"Maybe Adam will just initial this page with out looking."
"There are dollar signs on this page, of course he's going to look"
"I have to tell him"
"Do I have to tell him?  It's not all due today.  I can have him initial everything and I can tell him after I mail it in"
"I have to tell him"
"Ok.  We can do this.  But first I have to tell him"
"I have to tell him."
"Hey Honey...?  Um, we need to talk for a minute."

[insert exclamation points, deep massaging of the foreheads, new forehead wrinkles neither of us ever knew we had, possibly a small (read: large) fountain of tears (yours truly), and Adam laying flat on the ground-staring (very Ferris of him), and me frantically texting my closest family and friends to confirm the justification of current freak-out moment.]

{9:00pm.  Bedtime?  Sure.}

Around 3:00am I woke up from a nightmare that my husband was having an affair with a woman who was as money savvy as he is, who didn't want children that would cost them $30,000 just to get started, and everyone in the dream knew I was crazy.  Everyone but me.  I woke up angry, breathing through clenched teeth, just before hurting the woman I just mentioned.

Adam: "It's just me.  Hey.  It's okay.  Calm down.  It's just me."
Nic: more tears

Aw sheesh.

So, now it's 6:30.  I've had a full morning with my husband before he left for work, prayed, showered, dressed for the day, put laundry away, took the dog out, had breakfast, started blogging.....and I've done a whole heck of a lot of thinking.

I've worked as a nanny for people who wouldn't bat an eyelash at $30,000...people who spend $200,000 on a car they drive less than 25% of the year.

I am not one of those people.

When I told Adam, "People pay $30,000 for cars.  We've paid that much in down payments for houses."  He replied, "WE buy $10,000 cars and make payments on them.  And now, I wish we hadn't bought two houses because then we could afford this."

We discussed the reality of our situation.  I was scared Adam would say it just wasn't reasonable and we needed to stop for a little bit.  Re-think this.  Maybe try another option.

He did ask about other agencies, but after checking my sources, I realized it wouldn't matter.  Adoption fees have risen the last several years and this is what we are facing.

Before heading to bed, Adam said, "I'm not going to say no.  I just need 24 hours to let it sink in."
"You won't say no?"
"I won't say no"
"That's all I needed to hear.  I love you."

I know I'm going back and forth between last night and this morning, but guess what....my brain is going back and forth like a pinball machine!

I've been reminded by friends, family, and God that we have a support system.  God doesn't call people to do anything for Him that He hasn't already planned out all they way to supplied ammunition.  We may not have the cash for this adoption sitting in the bank today...but God has called us to adopt our first child.  And we will.  And he will provide for us.  We may need to change our way of thinking, of budgeting, of planning...but we can do it.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13
"...if I have faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

I love my baby.  We haven't met yet, but he/she is mine.  I won't stop pursuing my family until it's here.  God has done mighty things.  Bigger things than come up with $30,000.  So He can do this.  I can do this.  Adam and I have been through a lot together, we've grown together, we've built a solid foundation in our marriage...in our partnership for life.  We can conquer anything that we face, as long as we go at it together.  So, here we go.

Step 1: Adam's mom is helping by researching adoption grants and the like
Step 2: I'm taking Packet II to work today and forging ahead (during nap time)
Step 3: We pay the application fee for Packet II and keep going

Trust. and Obey.  I said it in the very very beginning of this...and we'll follow it through to the very end.

I will lay out the details of our fee schedule, along with other "tactical" items tomorrow.  Until then, hug your babies...no matter how old they are, be thankful for them.  Thank God for all you have, for conquering your giants, and for just being Awesome.

Prayers for now:
For God to surround our Birth Parents with peace and comfort through their decision making process, through planning, pregnancy, and delivery.

For peace in our household as we continue the journey we've started

Peace for Adam's mind.  He's our penny pincher, our main provider, and just as type A as I am (even if he won't admit it).  My faith speaks louder than my fear, but my burden is lighter than my husband's.  Prayer for Adam's faith to stand out in this situation, and for all the dots and dollar signs to line up as necessary...to the very last penny....that prayer will strengthen us.

Thank you for sharing our journey.  It's getting bumpy, but it will smooth out soon....and get bumpy again soon....but we know this already.  So, here we go...

Packet II is here!

Holy Toledo, Batman!  This is a LOT of information.  Imagine signing up for just a college course and receiving all of your materials in the mail at once, all homework assignments, papers, etc.  That's what just landed in my lap.  Two months worth of paperwork aside from our Home Study....and our Home Study packet will be just as big.  Hi, glad I took the semester off of school.  I would be a total basket case right now. (and breathe.)

I haven't had enough time to absorb everything yet, but here is a quick overview of what we are looking at.

-A flowchart of the adoption process (THANK YOU for the checklist!  I may stay sane afterall)
-Child Placement Agreement and Affidavit (our contract with Love Basket)
-Notice of Privacy Practices (how our personal information is shared and for what reasons)
-Notice of Privacy Practices Acknowledgement Sheet (says we read the privacy practices and approve)
-Authorization form for the agency to obtain background, health, financial and other information and to share this information with appropriate third parties
-An eight page document consisting of recommended reading for us, our families, and our adopted child (after placement).  This reading is not required like the two books I mentioned yesterday.

That's half of packet two and each (-) above is equivalent to approximately seven pages stapled together as "sub-packets"

Here's the other half-
-A letter of congratulations on our approval of Packet I (Hey! Something I don't have to fill out, sign, and have notorized!  Yay!)
-Application to process packet II (this looks a lot like a part-time job application)
-A list of instructions for completing Packet II 
-A lab release form for each of us, concerning a full blood panel (more details later)
-Medical History and Physician Report forms for each of us (for our physicals)
-Employee Reference sheet for each of our employers (details later)
-Forms to send our personal references that will be forwarded on to our agency
-Pastoral Reference form
-Worksheet regarding our desired contact with our Birth Parents for before placement as well as post-placement
-A list of Prerequisites for Adoption through Love Basket (details later) as well as a log of each item and a place for signatures
-A list of questions for us to discuss regarding a trans-racial adoption (Yay!  Another form we don't have to sign, notarize and return.  Six pages out of 987...I'll take it.)

That's the second half of Packet II.  Again, each (-) is an average of seven pages stapled together as "sub-packets".  Most of the above documents have to be signed and notarized (including our reference sheets) and then mailed back to the agency.

My understanding is that our Home Study Packet will be about this much information and very little is overlapping.

The fee for processing Packet II is $595.  We have an additional "review fee" of $425 which covers cross communication between Love Basket and our local agency regarding our Home Study.  

As I said yesterday, once fees are confirmed and paid, they will be added to the expense list.  

I will provide more details of these forms as we fill them out.  Anyone who has ever said or heard that the adoption process is a roller coaster ride was being polite.  I'm already sick to my stomach looking at this mountain and am ready to buy stock in Pepto.  (Seriously, does this count as sympathy "morning" sickness?)  Comment with the name of your favorite roller coaster ride and we'll have a drawing for Baby's name! (okay, just kidding on the naming Baby after a roller coaster thing....)

Much more to come!  I have a feeling that blogging twice a week just won't cover it anymore.  Stay Tuned! :D

#Overwhelmed #StillExcited