Saturday, August 18, 2012

Mommy Brain?

If I can't think straight because there is so much to sort through...and I forget what I'm doing if I stop for more than .5 seconds because there are 1000 things I could have possibly been working on just then...does it count as sympathy Mommy Brain?  Because that's my Saturday.  In the middle of texting our realtor, I put down my phone to go to the bathroom, came back, and completely forgot what I was doing.  Went through my mental to-do list to pick something new, and remembered I needed to contact the realtor.  And yes, I had a good night's sleep.

 Okay, let the sorting begin.

Today and Tomorrow: 
-read up on all three agency options for our home study
-warn hubby to clear his schedule as much as possible for all medical appointments I may need to make for him.  
-order books for adoption training (Adam's mom has already beat me to half of this step!)

-call the finalist(s), then set up our appointment
-start retrieval process for copies of birth certificates and social security cards 

-follow up on Saturday-Monday items


-Stand at the mailbox all morning and wait for Packet II to arrive, read through requirements and reassess

Start new to-do list

Okay.  That was easy.  Next thought: my outlook on adoption has already drastically changed and it's been less than eight weeks since I first called the agency.

Here's what I thought:
"I could never give up my baby, I don't know how birth moms do it!"
"Our baby may have major complications because most moms who give up their babies have major issues in their lives, including drug and alcohol abuse"
"I don't think I really want the birth mom in our lives without the agency involved.  What if I feel like I have to take care of her?  What if I don't feel like I'm really 'Mom' if she is around very often?"
"Our families might not want to 'deal with' a birth mother"
"Open adoption=extra drama in my life"
"I feel so blessed to be able to save a baby"

Okay, that was a brave move.  Before you throw stones at me, put yourself in our shoes and pick 2 of those thoughts you wouldn't think of yourself...especially in writing.

Here's what I think now:
"Birth moms are so brave!  They choose life for their children and the humble path of asking someone else to provide a happy, stable life for their baby"
"Our baby could have major complications if we conceived on our own and that wouldn't change whether or not we kept them, why should this be any different." and "Way to stereotype in the worse way possible.  A lot of birth mothers have 'regular' lives, but just can't provide (what they view as) an appropriate lifestyle for their baby"
"The agency can be a wonderful help in communicating with our birth mother, so I want to utilize the resource, but giving another woman your BABY is a brave, emotional decision.  If she wants the personal assurance that her baby is being well cared for, is happy, that she made the right move...I can respect that.  And if she wants to know her Baby watch him or her grow up, we can figure out something that works for everyone.  We may still go through the agency, but I'm not afraid of Baby's Birth Mother."
"Open adoption can mean extra drama, conceiving my own child can mean extra drama, life is full of ups and downs.  The gift of a child, from another mother, is worth any drama that may come with it.  And it may not come with anymore than the emotions attached to the decisions we make.  TV is NOT real."
"Our Birth Mother is saving her own baby, by choosing life.  She is saving us by giving us the start of our family.  I can be a hero later, for boo-boos, bumps, and broken hearts....but in the end, our Birth Mother will be the original Super Mom in Baby's life, and always Super Mom #1"

I can't say I'm not anxious about the details of an open adoption, or that this new perspective is rock solid and can't be shaken.  We have not decided on an open adoption, but have not decided against it either.  Regardless, my way of thinking has drastically changed and I look forward to growing more during this process.  I'm excited to see the reality of adoption, in my own life, as opposed to watching it on Teen Mom or An Adoption Story.  No one will be feeding lines or asking us to replay our emotional moments, but "put more effort into this time".  It's just going to play out....exactly how God intended, and He will teach us our part as we go along.

My heart is full of gratitude for our Birth Mother and I have no idea who she is yet!  I know she's brave, honorable, and a role model for her baby regardless of her lifestyle.  Choosing life, choosing the best way for her child to be raised, and trusting she is making the best decision she can... is exactly what a Mother's job is.  Our Baby will always know that his or her Birth Mother is our family hero and one of the most special people in our lives.  


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