Here We Go Again

We've had a pretty busy life for the last two months. I regret not blogging through my baby shower, thoughts I've had lately about our wait for Baby and all things happening in our life. But, I've made decisions through each moment, to just live through it and experience it instead of scrambling to document every moment. I'm hoping my memories last and five years from now, what I have taken the time to document, is exactly what I appreciate having lived twice.

That being said, I've skipped two updates. To catch up briefly, both updates contained so many new client bios that I didn't even know where to start at explaining and recapping for everyone. Long story short, one of the new clients I've recently "written off" as not someone to get my hopes up about has quickly turned into a highlight of our journey.

We were told last update, about a Birth Mother who I thought for sure wouldn't be an option or potential match for us based on her circumstances. But, that changed this weekend. It's hard to explain why this changed while still respecting her privacy. What's important is that her situation changed.

I was having dinner with Morgan when I checked my phone to give her information about a restaurant we were talking about,when I saw it. That banner at the top of my phone, notifying me of an email from our agency. It was the heart stopping, then immediate heart racing feeling as I processed that 1/8" line of text informing me that I had a quick decision to make.

One of the birth mothers I thought we surely didn't have a chance with, suddenly became an option. As I was eating dinner, a week after moving into a new apartment and making room for Baby, just days after "completing" my cloth diaper stash so I would be ready no matter what, this woman was states away-in labor-and looking for adoptive parents ASAP.

I read through her situation, called Adam, and we made the decision to have our profile shown to her. The deadline for our decision was this morning at 8:00am. Based on previous experience, that means she will be viewing profiles today, shortly after that deadline.

I'm trying not to be a wreck.
I'm trying not to relive the heartbreaking let down of a Birth Mom choosing someone else.
I'm trying to keep experiencing every single moment.
I'm trying not to shut down.
I'm trying not to prepare myself to break down.

But it's extremely difficult.

I'm trusting God.
No matter what happens, I'm trusting God.