Tick...tick...tick

Apparently six months is close to my breaking point. 

I'm having a really hard time with this one. I find myself preparing for a "no" more than expecting a "yes".  

I'm feeling like its never going to happen. 

I'm feeling like I'm focusing to much on wanting a family bigger than two people. 

I'm feeling like a whiner for being so down about not getting what I want. 

I'm feeling like I need a plan "B" before 

1.) I get bitter 

2.) my friends' generation of kids start graduating high school and I find myself still childless

But despite what I feel,

I know God is faithful

I know He binds the wounds of the broken hearted

I know He has a plan for me that was written before I was born

I know He loves me

I know He knows what He is doing

(I wish He would fill me in)

Whether its this September baby....or 27 babies from now...I'm done with the roller coaster part. I've started thinking about giving up. But I'm not a quitter. I've thought about other options, but I want to see this commitment through. 

"Trust in The Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." -Proverbs 3:5-6