We finally received word about the last of September's back to back to back babies. The third Birth Mother (for September) to view our profile is due on Halloween and she had asked for an extension on her appointment so she could think more about her adoption plan. In the end, she chose to parent her baby herself. We learned that she had made this same choice, with Love Basket, once before. At the end of the day, it's easier for me to let go of a potential match when the Birth Mother chooses herself over someone else. How can I feel sad that she didn't pick me...if she didn't pick anyone else? It's just easier to process...because it's so natural and it just makes sense to me. Regardless of her circumstances, it makes sense to me.
Our October update came a couple weeks ago while I was in Missouri for my grandmother's funeral. I didn't get a good look at it because we were on our way to one of the services, but I noticed that the first new client mentioned would be looking at profiles fairly soon. She was scheduled to look at profiles near the end of October, but her appointment has since been moved to the beginning of November. Appointments get moved now and then, so it's not usually a sign of anything specific. This Birth Mother is in Kansas and will require a little more work on behalf of our agency since they do not place babies from Kansas. Love Basket will contract a local agency to take care of state specifics and both agencies will work together. This doesn't mean anymore paperwork (yay!) but may mean extra fees at placement. I'm not holding my breath because it just seems a little on the complicated side. And I'm tired.
I've been waiting for a baby for almost 11 months and in the meantime, have said goodbye to, and attended funerals for, two people very close to me. It's a sad, sucky irony. But I'm finding my way and pushing forward because it's the only thing there really is to do.
Adam and I have talked about me going back to work, just to stay busy. But, I don't want to be busy "just because". I can do that at home just fine and going back to work means commitment to another family and I just can't help anyone else raise their babies right now. It's not an option for me. I made my decision and we firmly believe we made the right one. I've considered smaller, part-time jobs. But, the take home pay is so small after taxes that it's more frustrating than not working! I'm loving my time at home and have found plenty to do. At the end of the day, none of the jobs I've considered are really worth the trade off. So, I'm staying put. That being said, I have enrolled for two classes this Winter. I'm just shy of my Associate's degree and I'm ready to go back to school. I had taken a break so we could move and was quite enjoying the free time I had gained! I also needed the time off for a little sanity check after hitting the books so hard and all of a sudden. I've enjoyed my year off, was able to start the adoption process without worrying about homework or tests, and now it's calmed down enough that I can pick those academic stresses back up. I'm not in a hurry and because my local college operates on quarters, I can take fewer classes at a time and still finish in one "semester." Yippee! I have two classes scheduled to start in December and Winter quarter will end in February. This may shorten our potential travel time for Christmas, but otherwise, it couldn't be more perfect. Once these are finished, I have three left that I plan to take in March and be able to graduate in May. We will have to play the adoption thing by ear and see what's happening when it's time to register for Spring. Because, of course, (maybe?!) Spring Quarter may be put on hold so I can travel to pickup my baby!
End of random tangent.
The rest of our October newsletter was full of more babies. All of the Birth Mothers listed will be looking at profiles in November sometime. Beyond that, I know nothing. I don't remember the details of any particular situation and I'm trying to keep it that way. I've gone into this whole thing with my eyes wide open, my heart on my sleeve, and allowing myself to feel every single second. But, I need a break. I need to not know what's happening at all so that I can't sit on pins and needles hoping. I'm finding more to do to keep me busy and while I can't say yet that it's working...I've got the hope of (maybe) a change of pace. We shall see.
Halloween will be quiet around here. One day we'll be in full costume, parading around with our ridiculously,adorably dressed tots and collecting candy (that we may or may not use to teach valuable life lessons like sharing...with Mom and Dad). But this year, we'll keep it low key and maybe find a scary movie to watch if I can get my husband to put his big boy pants on! (Love you, honey!)
Thank you for praying with us on our journey. Your thoughts and prayers and support mean the world to us! Please continue to pray for our Birth Mother to have peace in her planning.